February 14, 2024
That was the question I asked myself after walking out of my boss’s office. The news? My position had been eliminated and I would be terminated from work in two weeks. Wonderful timing too. A week before the Thanksgiving holiday.
Okay, they gave me a nice severance package. I was planning to resign soon and take an early retirement. I knew these things can happen when a new executive leadership team takes over an organization. But not to me. Not in over twenty years of working as a physician executive.
It made me feel awful. Like I had done something wrong. I was asked to stop attending meetings and my incoming emails were basically shut down. How could this happen to me? I always got ‘exceeds expectations” on my annual reviews.
My ego was bruised, and I felt deflated.
And then I remembered to ask myself, “where’s the gift?”
Let’s face it, life and being a leader is a journey full of challenges and lessons to be learned. And I had learned early on in my career that by changing my perspective when faced with a challenge – a difficult coworker, an unexpected health issue, a change in organizational direction – I could better manage my reaction.
And my emotions.
I fell upon this guidance unexpectedly while reading a book on leadership and communication. I had been dealing with a very challenging coworker who had gotten into the habit of saying no to every suggestion I had for a critical project we were working on. Every day was a struggle. Every meeting we had conflict.
Then I discovered how changing your attitude and perspective can change how you experience something. Change your attitude, change the way you feel and your experience. I decided to give it a try the very next time I met with my challenging partner.
Before the meeting I decided to ask myself to find the gift in our discussion. Where’s the gift from my project partner?
Instead of feeling frustrated and tense throughout the meeting, I felt curious and hopeful. My change in attitude allowed me to be a more active listener and helped our conversation go more smoothly. My project partner was also able to relax, and we quickly came to a consensus on our next steps.
I used the same technique in subsequent meetings with other challenging coworkers and even with my husband and kids. Each time I was intentional in finding the gift in the challenge, the result was the same. I would feel less stressed, less frustrated, and more open to what life lessons I was being offered.
I even began to use the question with my team members when we were faced with a problem or conflict. Asking them to identify the gift in the situation. And it worked!
Soon they were asking the question themselves, or would come to me with an issue, then state, “I know Jackie, I need to look for the gift here” and we would laugh together. Sure more fun than venting about a problem situation or person.
Got a meeting coming up with a difficult person to deal with?
Try going into the meeting asking yourself what gift they might give you and see how it changes your mood. It feels a whole lot better than dreading the discussion. The meeting may go better just by your mood being one of more optimism and curiosity.
Perhaps the gift is a compliment on your snazzy shoes. Or, maybe you were able to be a more attentive listener and got compliments on your communication skills by a coworker.
You could even get the outcome you wanted by coming to the meeting with a fresh perspective.
Who knows what could happen when you open yourself to possibility and positivity.
Now trust me, this is not easy to do in all situations. The gifts can sometimes take a while to figure out. To become clear to you.
For you to recognize the gift.
For example, the time when I fainted and broke my neck. An unstable cervical fracture that required two emergency surgeries. And could have left me paralyzed or worse.
Where’s the gift here, you ask?
Well, it took a bit of time. It wasn’t easy to see at first. Then I was able to grasp that I was learning to be more comfortable letting others help me. To be more vulnerable. To receive, rather than always give.
Don’t get me wrong, there was pain. There was a long recovery period. The gift did not present itself right away. I didn’t feel comfortable receiving help initially.
It took time for me to recognize that it was as important to receive as to give. To realize I had I been given the gift of time to reflect on my leadership and life journey and appreciate my accomplishments. Time to reflect on all the blessings in my life. To find more balance – finally – between work and life. And it enabled me to empower my team to lead in my absence and develop professionally as well.
As I walked out of my boss’s office that day, I asked myself “where was the gift for me this time around?”
After a few days (ok, a week) of feeling sorry for myself. Feeling hurt and emotionally wrung out. I realized that I had been given the chance to start a new chapter in my life.
To pursue goals and dreams that I had been carrying with me for several years. To write that book. Help others by coaching and sharing what I had learned the hard way over the years. To start my own company. To continue to heal and focus on my own health and wellness.
How cool is that!
Once I got past my bruised ego, I felt a tremendous sense of relief and hopefulness. I felt like I had just won the lottery.
You can achieve more satisfaction and better outcomes by staying curious when faced with life and work challenges.
By being intentional and staying open and optimistic to the possibilities that present themselves to you. Give it a try and see how it works in your next challenging situation.
Let me know if you agree or disagree with this approach, and how It works for you! You can share your comments below.
