August 19, 2024
Foster Self-Compassion:
Be Your Own Best Friend
How do you respond when you make a mistake or fail to reach a goal? Do you scold yourself with negative self-talk? Are you your own worst critic?
I know that often, I can be mine.
Throughout my life, I have tended to be self-critical. Like many, I have tried to keep my weaknesses and mishaps from others from the fear of being seen as less than, stupid, or incompetent.
Through a long journey of self-reflection, I now recognize how noxious negative self-talk is. Each day, I become more contented with being me and more comfortable with accepting all of myself. This comfort includes accepting and understanding my strengths, faults, and weaknesses. It is important to accept my shadow side as well as my shiny parts.
Building this level of self-awareness and acceptance has not been easy. I had to become nicer to myself and foster self-compassion while allowing myself to see the real me. It takes effort to learn how to be my own best friend.
I have always seen myself as a compassionate person who is empathetic with others, I was always there to lend others a helping hand, ease their pain, and comfort them. Even though I knew how important these actions were to others, I didn’t realize I should practice them for myself. Instead of beating myself up or making myself feel bad, I should act as a best friend to myself in times of suffering or pain.
Instead of being empathetic with myself, I would try to be brave, put on a happy face, and go about my day. During these times, I would suffer in silence or berate myself in my thoughts. I realized this behavior was a form of self-sabotage based on limiting beliefs I needed to let go of.
The outdated way I saw myself had to be replaced with more accurate views aligned with my current self. These inner thoughts should be more positive, loving, and kind.
As you build self-awareness, you must embrace and accept everything you are. You need to bear witness to your flaws and admit to your mistakes, and wrong turns along the journey.
Admitting our wrongs can result in sadness, fear, and other challenging emotions. But as Kristin Neff, PhD, states in her book ‘Fierce Self-Compassion:’ “You can’t heal what you don’t feel.” Dr. Neff is well known for her work in self-compassion. According to her research, people who foster self-compassion have higher happiness, optimism, and hope. Practicing self-compassion also helps to increase emotional intelligence, resilience, and empathy. Additionally, showing yourself compassion leads to greater empathy for others.
So, how can you become your own best friend through self-compassion? Become one of your own besties and treat yourself with kindness. Comfort yourself just like you would comfort a suffering friend or family member.
Begin by checking in with yourself to discover what you truly need at this moment. Perhaps dealing with a mistake or poor outcome is too emotionally overwhelming for you right now. Do not worry; you have your own back. Now, it is time to find something that will calm you and make you feel centered, balanced, and prepared to deal with the situation.
Your calming activity could be walking in nature, taking a hot bath, sipping a cup of tea, or simply giving yourself a big hug just as you would hug a friend in need.
Take time to tune in to what you need most. Practice mindfulness through meditation. Slow your breathing down, do a few yoga poses, or be quiet with yourself. Discover how to become more grounded and centered.
Next, identify how you can provide yourself with grace and kindness. Approach mistakes or issues with an open mind and an attitude of growth. Talk to yourself positively and affirmatively, just like you would to your B.F.F.
You can find a way to move forward.
Love yourself completely and take the time to understand how to accomplish that. By loving yourself, you become more authentic, more you, and more human. You are not alone.
All of us suffer and experience pain during our lives. Pain is part of the human experience. While we tend to give compassion to others, most of us don’t consider being our own best friend or fostering compassion for ourselves. But we should.
Give yourself the precious gift of more love and compassion. These gifts will not only improve your emotional well-being, they also help your heart and brain.
Self-compassion creates positive changes in the brain that support things like connecting and affiliating with others, our affect and mood, and positive emotional responses to others (Klimecki et al., 2013).
Don’t hesitate to foster your self-compassion. Become your own best friend. It will serve you well as you continue your personal development journey. Being kind to yourself will help you be even more empathetic and compassionate towards others.
And as we know, we could all use more of that kind of love right now.
In Love and Light,
Jackie
Sources
Fisher, Jonathon, MD, ‘Just One Heart, A Cardiologists Guide to Healing, Health and Happiness,’ Manuscripts Press, 2024
Kristin Neff, PhD, ‘Fierce Self-Compassion, How Women can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive,’ Harper Wave, 2021
I wish I could have told this to my younger self. I still struggle with being my own worst critic, but I have learned to love my skin. I believe this has come from maturing and putting energy into myself. I also have created a circle of family and friends who are my biggest cheerleader and support network. It doesn’t come with our challenges, those sneaky negative thoughts can come fast. I love your suggestions to find balance and center yourself.