March 13, 2024
You are enough.
It’s that simple. You are “enough” just by being you.
You are perfect just as you are. No one on this earth has the same unique qualities, skills, perspective and talents that you have to contribute to the world. Simply put, you are enough.
Is it hard for you to believe or say that simple statement?
It was for me. Saying those words would make me feel sick to my stomach. Then I learned how society and our experiences teach us to feel that way. To believe we are not enough, that we are less than.
But what about babies?
Babies are born perfect, and we adore them. They are enough. We do not see them as failures. We do not judge them as they learn, grow, and experience the world. Quite the opposite.
We find them adorable and delightful. We encourage them to explore and play.
We don’t criticize them when they fall when learning to walk. We do not judge them when they gurgle and say their first “words.” Even if we have absolutely no idea what they said. We smile and praise them for just about anything they do.
So why is it so hard for us to believe that we are enough as adults?
Somewhere along the way early in our childhood – around age 4 or 5, we become aware that the adults we love and trust do not always approve of all our actions. They tell us to quiet down. To stay still. To hurry up. To get dressed, “wait, not that outfit!”
It is not always verbal.
A frown. A lifted eyebrow. The shake of the head.
A sigh when we make a mistake, do not meet expectations, or are unable to achieve what another child can easily do. We experience our peers not picking us for kickball. Not letting us sit at their table at lunchtime. Even bullying us.
We learn to feel less than. Not good enough. Shame. Even guilt.
I have to say, it did not feel good being picked last for kickball at school for all of fourth grade.
Our basic human desire to belong is so strong that we begin to blame ourselves when others do not accept us or are unhappy with us.
We create stories about ourselves that become our beliefs. Over time we internalize these stories and beliefs and begin to doubt ourselves. We think we should be more. Smarter, prettier, taller, faster – well you get the picture.
That was certainly true for me.
No matter how successful I was, I always felt that someday” they” would discover the real me. An impostor playing a role and not actually the strong, caring and compassionate leader others viewed me as.
Through a whole lot of self-reflection and reading I learned that I had the power to change my old beliefs. For example, Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, and her philosophy of self-healing and the use of positive affirmations. And Brene Brown’s book on imperfection, with her extensive research on shame, vulnerability, and courage.
I learned how society shapes the lens we view the world and ourselves. How we experience the world. It is all learned.
And that means, it can be unlearned.
Learn to change the lens and those limiting beliefs, and you change what see, how you feel and how you experience the world.
You can change those deep-seated beliefs and patterns of thinking and replace them with ones that resonate more with your current reality and self-understanding.
You have the power to reframe how you view yourself.
To change the lens
Sounds easy, right?
Well, it is easy, but it can take time to truly embrace those new beliefs and way of thinking about yourself. To relearn. To embrace and to accept all of you. To remodel the neural pathways of thinking in your brain.
To feel empowered to fully share your unique gifts and talents with the world.
And yes, practice does help in this work, so be gentle with yourself as you relearn to view yourself with a brand new and more authentic lens. But how to get started?
Be willing to step into a bit of discomfort and look back at where those limiting beliefs and rules came from. Shine a light on the experiences that created them. Allow yourself to feel what you did all those years ago. Reflect on the event and ask yourself why you responded the way that you did.
Rethink that same situation and chose to respond in a different way. Create a new version of the story as if you were creating a movie. Replace those icky negative feelings with better ones.
More positive ones.
More powerful ones
‘You are enough just as you are‘
Meghan Markle
Want to learn more?
Just click here to access your free guide to gaining a fresh perspective and replacing outdated beliefs.
References
Allen, Kelly-Ann, PhD, The Science Behind Our Need to
Belong, Insights into the history, present, and future of belonging
research, February 3, 2022, The
Science Behind Our Need to Belong | Psychology Today
Brown, Brenee, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and
Embrace Who You Are, Hazeldon Publishing, 2022.
Hay, Louise, You Can Heal Your Life, Hay House, Inc, 2004.
Key, David, Neurolinguistics Programming, Neurological levels, Bateson, G. (1992) and Dilts (1994), NLP Coach Practitioner eCourse (kartra.com)
